my story · personal · writing

First Kiss


This is the fourth installment in my story. If you click the tag in the right column marked my story it will open the posts so that you may read from the beginning.

After Matt went home spring break of my freshman year, I wasn’t sure what to think of myself. Were we dating, friends, what? I couldn’t have told you. He said he would email me,  so I trusted. I had to wait a few weeks, weeks that I was sure proved I was ten kinds of a fool. At least I was a happy fool.

I sat in the computer lab, pondering some work I had to do on a paper, when the notification came through that I had an email. Now, it was mid-April by then. I had set up my email account back in September and hadn’t received a single message since then (yes, it’s been that long ago). I was not wholly certain that I could remember my password, or even how to use the email program. My fingers flew over the keyboard as my heart raced. Was it Matt? Who else could it be?

I plugged in the one password I thought I’d used and my hand shook as the email page opened up. There it was, one message, from Matt. I clicked it open and squealed in my head. I must have bounced in my chair as the lab administrator took that moment to stare at me. It was only a few paragraphs long, but it was a message and it was to me from him. He started off with a greeting, asked me how I’d been. Explained that his work schedule had been heavy and he had to share the computer with his parents. That’s how it all began.

We exchanged emails three to four times a week for the next four weeks until my freshman year ended. I wasn’t sure what I would do during the summer. I hated living at home after the freedom of college. Matt called twice a few weeks before sophomore year started and I was so glad he did. After two months of absence, I was ecstatic to talk to him again.

School started back up and so did the emails for a few weeks, then Matt moved. He got an apartment with a friend and they didn’t have internet. Since I had a job at school, I started calling him whenever I could. We’d talk for hours until I thought my roommates would kill me. Luckily, each of the three rooms had their own phone, but my immediate roommate wasn’t happy about it.

After seven months of separation, I needed to see Matt. Since he wasn’t in college anymore, he didn’t get holidays off from work. One evening he called me. This was a rare occasion, because long distance cost him much more than it did me. He told me he’d been offered a job in the cities by some friends, and wasn’t sure if he should do it or not. It meant giving up everything and moving somewhere he didn’t know. Though I wanted him to move close to me, I completely understood his hesitation. I assured him that I would be here and the change might be good. It would mean we could see each other more often.

He made his decision to move within a few days, and over Thanksgiving he break relocated to Chaska, MN. Still an hour from me, but much closer than we’d ever lived before. I asked my parents if I could have my closest friend Marisa over for Thanksgiving and I also told them Matt would have nowhere to be that day. I asked if he might stay on our couch after his move. They surprisingly agreed.

Matt, Marisa, and I talked and played Tetris all evening. It was so relaxing to spend time with Marisa away from school and finally see Matt after so long. We stayed up late into the night because none of us were quite sure how to end the evening. Matt had never asked me to be his girlfriend and Marisa was there, suffering from a recent serious breakup. Finally, she seemed to sense our nervousness. She shot me a look and said, “Just kiss him goodnight and get it over with.” She rolled her eyes and left for my room.

Matt took that as an invitation, he came toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He put his forehead against mine. My heart beat against my chest and I could see my hair quivering against my temple. I’d only been kissed once before and it was horrible, more like getting slobbered by a dog than a man. I begged the good Lord to make this time different. Matt’s lips pressed gently against mine and lights flashed against the back of my eyelids. My hands tingled where I held his neck and I leaned closer. This was a kiss like I’d read about, the kind I was sure didn’t exist until I had one all to myself. Goodnight Matthew. I can’t even remember if I said it out loud.


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