books · family

Perfect Relationships

The Western Vows series Kari Trumbo

You would think that romance would be easy for Matt and me. I write romance, therefore, my relationship is obviously perfect. Writers write what they know, right?

The fact is, love and relationships are just as difficult for romance authors as they are for everyone else. We don’t have some super secret formula for a happy marriage, nor do we actually have marriages much different from anyone else. I hope that isn’t a letdown.

I know as many single romance authors as I do married ones, which bears out as about the same as the population at large. So, what makes it possible for me to keep writing in the genre? My relationship isn’t perfect, but it is great and I take the feelings and strivings from the best parts and give those to you. You see, having a great relationship is a great amount of work, but the harder you work, the bigger the blessing. Like anything in life, that statement will not be true for %100 of the population, but it is a good start. We are all humans and humans are abundantly hard to love.

My relationship isn’t perfect, but it is great and I take the feelings and strivings from the best parts and give those to you.

Matthew and I have been together for almost nineteen years and we’ve made our fair share of mistakes along the way. What I see about us and others like us who have managed to stay together is this, we talk. About EVERYTHING. I don’t hide anything from him, there is nothing secret in my life. If something is bothering me, Matt will pester me until I finally give up and tell him what is wrong. When something is bothering him, he talks with me. Nothing is bottled up or held back.

Why do novel romances seem so much better than ones played out in life? That is simple. Dialogue. How often in novels do you want to scream because the characters are not communicating what they really feel? You get to the point where you want to throw the novel across the room! When they finally talk and share, it leaves you sighing almost as much as a good kiss.

The same truth happens in real relationships, honesty in communication is sexy. When you start dating the person you feel the most drawn to you talk on the phone for hours. Communitcation is key. You will never know everything there is to know about someone. Keep talking. Don’t ever let a hurt simmer, get it out when it is small and manageable. Talk to your love like you would want them to speak to you, and honor them by expecting the same.

Words have the amazing ability to both decapitate and fulfill, it is all is a matter of how you use them.

Song of Solomon 2: 10 My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.